I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
