My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
