I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
