a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
