Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I love you.
Bad choice
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
