so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
