Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
