Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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