When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
