Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
