i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ladies don't puke and tell
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
