Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
