she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And then the night went full on bisexual.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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