so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
