The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
