just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
