Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
