Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
that is very illegal...i love you.
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