We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
