Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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