Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
