i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
this is an emotional support booty call
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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