the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
