I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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