So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
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