First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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