some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
