so that wasnt chicken after all
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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