im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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