What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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