do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
