So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
