apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
