I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
