I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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