So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
