You're so nebulous sometimes
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
