Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
