Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
