My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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