Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
