found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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