I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
