today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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