We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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