Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
