apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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