Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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