just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
