Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
